Can I vent a little bit?

I always see best friends.
Spending time with each other.
Inseparably perfect together.
I want to have a good friend like that.
I know people, but I feel like I've made everyone only acquaintances.
I guess it's my fault. Maybe I'm too scared to take friendships to the next level.
Maybe I need to put forth more effort. But... It's hard. I'm trying, I really am.
Sometimes I just kinda feel like a tissue. Just kinda used. I love my brother to pieces, but it’s been hard each time I realize that most of these girls are being so nice to me because they want to get to him not because they genuinely like me. It's hard when you realize that most of your close friends used me as a bonus to get closer to Adam. Rough stuff. But I think I’m being too honest. Since I already said it, I might as well let you know that it’s always been a huge trial for me, but especially this year.
Trying to find true friends.
I’m becoming stronger because of it, and I’m thankful for it.. although I would never wish it upon anyone else.
Mushmeh.
I need to put more effort into making good friends. It’s just scary though. It’s hard.
I need to learn to be more vulnerable. Huge fault of mine.

I think I’m being a little too open.
This is kind of weird.
I don't really think this is the right place to be sharing all of this.
Sigh, if I want to make true friends I need to be honest.
I’m willing to take a risk.
..
Well, I hope you have an amazing day.
Sorry for the rambling and venting. I'm still getting a hang of this blogging thing.
I'll try and do better next time.
-Haily