Moving On

I've just let it bother me for too long.

It hurt to be replaced.

It still does.

I've been letting it affect me for

how long?

Too long.

I'm learning to accept that some people aren't in my life anymore.

And I'm learning to be okay with that.

I'm happy they were my friends at one point.

I am better because of them, 

and it's time for them to go help other people.

I'm learning that.

And I'm okay with that.

There are days I miss the times I had with them,

but I'm alright with where they are in my life.

They're happy where they are,

And I'm learning to be happy for them.

But you are the one person I've struggled with.

You were 

so 

very 

much 

a 

part

of

my

life

 at one point.

And I guess that's why I'm struggling so much.

No, I've struggled so much

I'm making it a thing of the past.

 Because here is what I'm learning.

I'm just going to type the words 

I'm saying out loud to the screen.

You made me better.

And I'm thankful for you.

You helped me grow a lot.

And thank heavens,

Because I needed quite a bit of growing.

I needed you in my life.

There were things I had to learn from you.

You helped me 

no matter the time of night

no matter the circumstances

no matter how silly

or how dumb

or how rough

or how in trouble you would be the next day

because of it.

You helped me no. matter. what.

I don't even know how to express

my insane amount of gratitude towards you.

We had some good good times.

I'm trying not to miss you.

I've tried for over a year now.

And this silly hope inside of me 

wants to relive it all again.

Because that was quite the adventure.

 

But I know,

With the new people we are now

we really don't work anymore.

I guess that's okay.

But there was a time when you were exactly what I needed.

And so I am burning these hurt feelings towards you.

They're gone now.

Because I have 

so 

much 

good 

about you to remember.

And I want to savor every last bit of memory.

Those were times to celebrate.

---

It started as a blog post, 

but then It became a letter to her.

(That's part of the long letter I wrote.)

I started saying how I felt.

The things I wanted to say 

but the words I never knew how to.

I finally forgave her.

I finally thanked her.

I thought maybe things would 

finally be worked out now.

I've prayed 

and fasted 

and cried 

over it for over 

two years now.

It was finally going to all be resolved.

  I felt peace and comfort as I wrote all my thoughts out.

And then I sent it.

Anxiously waiting for a response.

It's been a week.

No response.

I guess that's my answer.

I guess that's okay.

 

 

I'm thankful for the people 

who have been in my life.

I'm grateful for the people 

who are in my life.

I'm happy about the people 

I'm getting to know better.

Because everyone who has 

walked into my story,

no matter how many 

chapters or lines

you were in,

you have all 

taught me something.

And it's become apart of me.

---

 

Junior year is going to teach me a lot.

This is going to be a good year.

I have a lot of learning to do.

I'm excited.

Haily. :)